June 2001 was the month I almost died at the hospital from a brain tumor and hydrocephalus. My identity took a big change since 2001 and it is still changing. On June 7th, 2001 I thought I was going to die on my couch in my living room. Where it was a sunny afternoon and I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital by my mother. Half way to Lutheran Hospital everything went black, and I woke up in a room with doctors around me.
I was awake for what felt like a couple of seconds, and then I blacked out again. This black out was longer then the first time i fainted. It seemed like time had slowed down, and I was asleep while the whole world was passing me by. I laid there in darkness not knowing what was going to happen, and as i laid there doctors operated on my brain. They made an incision in the back of my head and pulled out the tumor from the fourth ventricle.
During the surgery a blood clot formed on the right side of my head, so the doctors made another incision going from the top of my head to the top of my right ear. While I was passed out and on the verge of death my spirit or astral body left my phycial body. I saw my self in my own room with my mother and sister crying at the edge of the bed. When the surgery was complete ten hours went by and I woke up in the E.R. of Childerns’ Hospital. The room was bright from the sun and there were people everywhere, and there was a tube in my mouth.
I was confused about everything, like where I was and what happened? One of the doctors that was working on my case came by pretty much welcomed me back. He explained to me what happened and he also explained to me on why I had a tube running through my mouth. Blacking out again I was later moved up to the 5th floor and into my own room. For two and a half weeks I stayed in that room regaining my strength to walk. Finally I was able to go home, and I was happy to get out of the hospital.
It was weird at first, but I quickly got over that feeling. That surgery formed the person you see today, by leaving side effects. Side effects like a lazy eye lid and paralysis in part of my mouth. Some more effects were memory loss, probably focus, self-confidence, a slower learning ability and balance. Effects of the memory loss would be that i cant remember things older than at least 4 or 5 days.
After that it gets hard to recall what I did those days or weeks. When I went into high school in the fall of that same year. I was self conscious, and I thought negatively about myself. Freshmen through Junior year I thought I wasn’t worthy of anything and I was invisible to everyone. High school was definitely a big change for me, it revealed things about myself that I never knew were in side me.
When I turn corners too sharp or even when i go to turn around i spin on one foot i lose my balance. Sometime I lose balance when I walk, yet it doesn’t happen all the time. Slower learning ability has effected a large portion of my learning process in my mind. It takes, or seems to take me a longer time to comprehend what i learn. So if I take things at a slower pace I can learn the curriculum better.
Near the end of my four years in high school I grew more of a back bone instead of being this very shy very quiet girl, who hid behind her glasses. Senior year I was tougher then my freshmen and sophomore years and the bad influence of my friends started to effect me more. I grew even more stubborn then I was and I developed a rebellious side to myself. My rebellious side includes not listening to my parents a whole lot and staying out at night longer then I should. The type of people I hang out with has effected the way I act and think. My mind has gone dark and evil with a touch of goth. My identity now is a darker me then I was when I had my brain tumor in 2001.
